Tuesday, April 2, 2019

nap dream, forest creek sunroom

I took about a 2-hour nap after not feeling well this evening (ate too much at a restaurant) and I dreamed the following:

I was trying to get to a house but to get to it, you had to walk along a ledge of rocks and wooden boards that were not steady. I am not sure what was below (if there were even rocks because I didn't look down) but there was really no way around it. I don’t remember going in but at some point, I was inside maybe a sunroom and I proclaimed to someone that the house was mine. The room was  painted forest green with white trim and there were a few couches or chairs and bookcases- with books of course- the house was half sitting over a creek and from the windows, you could see a bridge or culvert where the water came over, up to the house and then I"m guessing it went below the house. I remember telling them (?) that I didn’t plan on staying forever because of possible flooding there but the house was really pretty from where I was standing- with the green paint against the autumn colors of green and golds seen through the windows.

There was also a scene where I was singing, I believe …a really pretty song- like I was performing…but I can’t remember the context of it all now. I vaguely remember the night sky? Maybe the stars? It has slipped my mind at this point. I did end up back on the ledge I think, trying to get back to the house- and I remember that I had to stack up those wooden boards to hold onto as I inched my way back. The boards were wobbly too and I was mildly afraid that I would fall. 

Dream symbols:

Images:  small sunroom with bookshelves, windows, creek with rushing water toward the house, strange walkup to get to the house, autumn- forest trees

Colors: forest green, autumn gold leaves, white trim

Feelings: uncertain, possibly danger of falling, in awe of how house colors blended with the environment, disappointed that I lived there due to the risk of flooding, feeling ashamed

Actions: singing? (vague), walking across strange walkway/ledge, speaking to people (unseen), reasoning with them about why I wouldn't stay

My Thoughts: The only thing I can really think of is that the water passing under the house- with the realization that it might flood at some point- combined with the odd precarious way to enter the house- relates to my uncertainty and unease with my life. I feel like I'm on the edge of being in trouble all the time (financially mostly)... and I feel like life is chaotic right now. I definitely feel ashamed that I am not where I could be now had I done things the right way.  I think the beauty I saw- with the room and autumn view on the outside- may be my internal longing for peace...and something new---to go somewhere else... it stopped me in my tracks when I stopped to take it in... and I felt disappointed that I couldn't stay when I realized that flooding was likely to occur there. I think I know that I must make changes soon or will end up regretting. I can't keep living like I am.

Notes: There were other parts of this dream that escape me now- like with the singing and other parts of the house and people but it's all faded now. This is just the main story that has stuck with me.

Real Life:  I spend a lot of time looking at houses online at Zillow and love interior design. I also daydream about living in the country-away from others. I loved to sing as a child and loved music. There was a creek that ran on our property when I was young. 

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